Some guys are too manly to admit that they listen to certain songs or music. They say stuff like, “Oh, I’m not a woman, so I don’t listen to women musicians.” Really? Because you’re listening to Tupac, and yet you aren’t black or dead (But I know a really long staircase that could help with one of those).
Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fucking man. I’ve got the penis and hairy chest armpits face everything to prove it. But I know good music when I hear it. And so I decided to give you some of my favorite jams that most men wouldn’t have the Cojones to admit to listening to.
4. “Love on Top” – Beyonce: I’m not normally a Beyonce fan (Ooohhh, Sasha Fierce, you sound so unique making up a stage name), but B kills it on this track. Sure, the song consists of one verse and then repeats the chorus a bunch of times, but she goes harder and harder every single time she repeats that chorus. I swear if this song weren’t inanimate, it would fucking drool love and happiness. And on top of that, she’s singing about Jay-Z, so how can anyone hate on this.
3. “Lollipop” – Mika: I’ve always been a huge secret Mika fan, and “Lollipop” is easily one of my favorite songs of his. It’s one of those songs where no matter where you are you just start nodding your head to the beat (if not break into full dance). It’s also got this strange ability to cheer anyone up from damn near any depth of despair, particularly when you’re in the midst of relationship problems.
2. “Kiss Me” – Sixpence None The Richer: Easily one of the best love songs ever written. Simple, concise, sweet. Subsequently, this is the perfect song to play for a woman when you get to the point in your relationship where you think you’re going to sleep together for the first time an you want to seem romantic rather than horny. And in light of Part Three of my Romance of the Panda series, it gives me hope that there are women still out there that want just the simple stuff that shows that a man loves a woman. And I will find one of those women and marry her. Except not the chick that sings the song though. I don’t like her haircut. Shit sticks out too far on her left side. Plus she’s like 35.
1. “Hella Good” – No Doubt: This is an all-time jam of mine. I don’t care who you are, what you do, where you’re from, or anything like that, but when you hear this song, you just want to, no, you need to…no, you just fucking dance. A coworker plays it on their computer loud enough for you to hear? Four-minute cardio break. They play it at TGI Fridays when you’re in the middle of your shitty meal? An excuse to “accidentally” drop your food while dancing and get it exchanged for chicken strips and Long Islands. It comes on the radio in your car during a funeral procession? More like an impromptu remake of Weekend at Bernie’s.
I was going to include Adele in here, but hey, let’s face it, if you don’t listen to Adele you’re probably too stupid to learn how to use the Internet anyway.
Take it easy,