Before I get into this post, there are some random updates I should tell you about. I’ve changed the layout and also added some cool little widgets to my blog. So now, you can like my blog on Facebook, you can sign-up to follow my blog via email, and you can also go through the archive of all my old posts instead of continuously scrolling down! And don’t forget to tell your friends!
This last weekend I was at a party at my friend’s apartment. I knew a fair amount of the people there, but they were all spread out and talking to people I didn’t know. This, of course, is an issue for my standard party-going behavior, which is generally find a group of people that I am already friends with, talk with them the whole night, and leave without having to talk to any of those hipster fucks that are always at the parties that I get invited to. So I went and got a glass of beer, and started making my rounds, making sure I talked to everyone I knew for at least a couple of minutes. But then, after a short while, I got bored. So, I could either get super drunk and make it fun for me, or I could save myself the trouble of driving home drunk and just leave at that point. I, uncharacteristically, chose to stop drinking and go home.
But this put me into another predicament: how am I supposed to say goodbye to everyone I know there? I always feel weird going up and just interrupting peoples’ conversations, because I don’t like being all that rude. And I feel like a creep standing next to someone waiting for them to notice me and stop their conversation just to see what it is that I want. So I usually just go the route of saying goodbye to maybe two or three people so that at least someone there knows that I wasn’t drugged or kidnapped or something crazy like that, and then I just grab my jacket and leave.
While this situation is one that presents itself somewhat often, it is really just one of multiple illustrations of how awkward it is to say, “goodbye,” to people. And it’s not just like the above situation where it’s just a, “see you later.” For instance, I’ve made a habit of making those times when you tell someone good-bye forever really, really awkward. For instance, at the end of my junior year of college, I was moving out of my building and I ran into this guy named Paul, who was one of the Hall Ministers at school. Now, I was never really close to him, and I can’t really remember any other time that I actually talked to him, but nevertheless we got to talking as I was moving out. As far as background, I was moving to a different building for my senior year. He and his wife were moving because they were having a baby and didn’t want to raise it in a building full of college students. At the end of our conversation, Paul said to me, “Well, good luck with your new job and last year of school.”
Now, normally, I’m that guy who always says, “you too,” to any sort of compliment or well-wishing, because it’s usually the nice thing to do. Fortunately, I stopped myself before I said that, because clearly that wouldn’t have made sense. Unfortunately, since I was so caught up in not saying, “you too,” I couldn’t quite keep myself from making a bigger ass of myself and saying, “Yeah, and good luck with that thing,” with the ‘thing’ referring to his unborn child. Classy, I know.
And the goodbye forevers aren’t even the most awkward goodbyes you’ll ever encounter. First kisses always, to me, seem to be the most awkward moment in the realm of saying goodbye (I count them in the whole “goodbye” thing because they almost always happen at the end of the date, when you are saying your –that’s right – goodbyes). Let’s face it. It’s a hormonally and emotionally charged moment where you are taking a risk with someone that you possibly want to get into a relationship with, so it is possibly the most perfect situation to produce awkward moments.
Take a cue from me, for example. During my senior year of high school, I started dating girl, and one night toward the beginning of our relationship, I was walking her to her car after some school or band thing that went into the night. Now, for those of you that have never seen me in person, I’m not necessarily as big as a panda normally is, but a pretty decent sized guy. So me swooping in for a romantic first kiss has got to be somewhat claustrophobic for the girl. But nevertheless, I was walking this girl to her car, and we were talking, and I decided that that was the point the I should go in for the first kiss. And, like I said, I’m assuming it must be claustrophobic or somewhat frightening-looking for her, so much so that the girl literally stopped and asked me, “wait, what are you doing?” I, of course, was baffled. I thought it was pretty obvious what I was doing. So I responded in a sheepish voice, “Oh, I, uh, was trying to kiss you.” And it was really weird, because she seemed relieved that I had said that, as if she had originally thought I was going to kidnap her or something, and then proceeded to kiss me.
Or even more awkward than that was the last girl that I had dated. We had just been on a date and were hanging out at her place afterwards. As I was leaving, I went in for the infamous first kiss. The kiss itself wasn’t awkward, but what happened after it was. So we kissed, and then that morphed into a hug. And as her head was passing mine, she turned and kissed me on the cheek. Now I, not to be outdone, decide it would be super sweet and cute of me to, in turn, kiss her on the cheek in reply. But the thing is, we were too far into the hug for me to react quick enough to kiss her on the cheek. So instead, I end up kissing her on the base of her neck as we are hugging after our, like, second date. And of course, since I feel really awkward, I just say, “see ya later,” and then turn and quickly walk my ass to my car to live down that shame on my own.
Now, I’m sure that other people have an awkward goodbye every once in a while, but I’ve got a knack for it. Serious moments, romantic moments, intimate moments, you name it, I can ruin it. Some might say it’s unfortunate, but me, I say it’s a talent.
Take it easy,