Facebook Statuses

So one thing that I’ve started to notice these days is that there always seems to be some chain thing going around the Internet about supporting victims of crimes or people who are dying or just plain down on their luck.   Now, I don’t necessarily have a problem with this, but I do have a problem with people having a problem with me for not reposting.

First off, I am nobodies personal Facebook whore.  I don’t care if some poor girl from Michigan has cancer and the Make-a-Wish foundation will donate money if I repost, or if some dumb-ass hyper-emotional (probably) teenager has a grandma who’s dying of cancer, I’m not giving up my personal Facebook to these assholes (Although, I would think it would be hilarious if the Make-A-Wish Foundation’s policy was, “Yeah, we got that cash, but we’ll only donate it to the surgery that will save your life if you can get a million people to agree with us that your life sucks).  I have very important things I have to tell my friends on my Facebook status, like when I update my blog, or when I accidentally do something stupid that isn’t too embarrassing.

Secondly, those Facebook statuses are nothing more than a grotesque announcement to the world about just how arrogantly self-centered the poster is.  It’s as if the people who post it are coming out and telling us, “Look at me.  I’m such a good person.  I support causes x, y, AND z SO MUCH that I am doing something about it in my personal life.”  Listen.  No…Read.   Just because you post shit on your Facebook doesn’t make you a good person.  A good person goes and visits the family member dying of cancer, or donates their own money to the dumb bitch who needs surgery.

Finally, I’m pretty sure people with cancer or people who are dying would much rather we went on living out our lives than spending it wasting away in front of a computer screen to tell the world about someone dying of cancer.  Take my Great Aunt Kate, for example.  A few years ago, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She’s 94.  Chemotherapy would kill her far quicker and more painfully than the cancer will, so her best bet is to just sit around and wait to die.  If I went up to her and showed her that I updated my Facebook status to reflect how I supported her in her fight against cancer, here are some of the questions she might ask:

~How come you don’t visit me anymore?

~What’s Facebook?

~Are you married yet?

~Who’s that girl who sends you messages asking why you don’t talk to her anymore?

~Is that a picture of you smoking?

~You know smoking is bad for you, right?  You could get cancer.

~Will you quit for me, your Great Aunt Kate?

And so the conversation goes.  But, alas, not everyone sees the world the same way I do.  Eventually, young Padawans, you will, and then, truly free will you be.

-Panda

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About erfnompanda

Life can be anything you want. Or anything you don't want, for that matter. Me? Well, after four years, too many thousands of dollars in student loans, and a piece of paper that says that I can write the English language well, my life is somewhere between 2005 Charlie Sheen and 1980's Danny Bonaduce: Nowhere to go but down. So on my way down, I figure I'll pitch my last ditch effort at making my world-view known and, more importantly, take as many people as I can down with me. And so this, my friends, is Life According To The Panda. View all posts by erfnompanda

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